A Different Kind of Quest
by Anne-girl1
Summary: *COMPLETED AND UPDATED* the 5th sequel to my Scope for Imagination, my friends and I go to Dualoch...pretty self-explanatory
1. Chapter One

1 Chapter One  
  
A rumbling came up the stairs and Sara appeared at our usual library table. She looked really excited about something. Mell glanced at me.  
  
"What? A new Basil Rathebone movie?"  
  
"Ha, ha. I just wanted to show you this. Check this out."  
  
She stuck her wrist out and showed us…a watch.  
  
"It's…a watch," Mell stared blankly at it.  
  
"Not just any watch. It runs on deoxyribonucleaicacid."  
  
"Sara, that's bio gibberish again," I arched my eyebrows.  
  
"Sara…?" Mell asked.  
  
"You guys don't wanna know. Anyway, all you have to do is put your finger on it and I punch in a few buttons and we go to our fantasies!"  
  
"But where else are we gonna go? We all had our choices already and Ann had two," Mell explained.  
  
"Mike didn't get a choice yet," I shrugged.  
  
"Oh yeah, Ann, where do you think he'll want to go? The ESPN headquarters?" Sara asked sarcastically, "I say we go somewhere exciting, yet mature and adult-like. I say Shrek!"  
  
I giggled, "Ok."  
  
"Fine with me," Mell grinned, "but I'm bringing my discman this time."  
  
"Hey, there's Mike, Ann."  
  
"Ha, very funny, Sara, Mike's never stepped foot in a library…EVER!"  
  
"Well, there he is."  
  
"Hey, Mike! We're going to see Shrek, wanna come?" I yelled. He looked weird at us. He looked around to see if anyone was watching and crept over to us.  
  
"Be quiet. I don't want my friends seein' me here."  
  
I gave him a look.  
  
"Come on let's go!" Sara cut in and put all our fingers on the strange watch and dramatically began to push buttons. Nothing happened.  
  
"Oh well, we tried."  
  
"Wait, Mike, don't leave. Let her try one more time."  
  
All of a sudden, the high school library faded from view. I squeezed my eyes shut; and somehow my finger managed to stay connected to the watch. There was a loud whistling that lasted about five seconds and then everything was quiet.  
  
For only a moment. Everything got still and in the background I could hear voices, talking laughing and…crying. Slowly, I opened my eyes and gasped.  
  
I was in a steel bar cage. Sara and Mell were crouching next to me, looking around confusedly.  
  
"Sara? What did you do?" Mell asked faintly.  
  
"N-nothing. I didn't do anything. It was a joke."  
  
"Well, then how did we get here?" Mell threw up an arm, hitting the cage top. She held her arm up, gasping.  
  
"AHHH! LOOK AT MY SKIN!!!" Sara screamed. I held up my hand in front of my face and gasped.  
  
"What the…?" I turned my hand around. It didn't look solid, yet when I gripped my wrist hard, it stayed in tact.  
  
"Whoa, cool!" Mell spoke after a while, "We're cartoon!"  
  
"W-we are?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah! Even my discman!"  
  
"AHHH!" Sara was still staring at her arms.  
  
"Calm down, Sara."  
  
I looked around remembering we were in a cage. I looked through the bars and saw a bunch of other strange cartoon creatures.  
  
"Guys?" I turned to them. They were looking out the other side. Mike was in the cage behind us and he seemed bigger.  
  
"This cage is too small!" he wailed, pulling his cartoon arm out from behind his back.  
  
All of a sudden, the cage began to tip and I was squeezed under Sara and Mell as they toppled over. The cage hit the ground with a loud thud. A voice spoke up.  
  
"These are some fairy tale creatures I found off the road, sir."  
  
Rubbing my head, I looked up and saw the wooden table with three knights sitting behind it; one holding a long scroll.  
  
"Well, that'll be worth four shillings each, ma'am. They don't seem to do anything."  
  
"Hey!" Sara gripped the bars. The knight looked up.  
  
"They can speak."  
  
"Yeah, we can!" Sara went on. Mell and I glanced at each other from behind her and I heard Mike cough.  
  
"You let us out right now!"  
  
"Whatever for?" the knight with the scroll chuckled. Sara scowled.  
  
"I'll have you know, we're four important members of the…CGI!"  
  
"Excuse me?" the knight looked confused.  
  
"I can report you!" Sara screamed. The knight looked affronted.  
  
"Fine, fine, let them out, ma'am," the knight waved his arm impatiently. The old lady that was trying to sell us as fairy tale creatures, took a key out of a side pocket of her apron and unlocked our door and then Mike's.  
  
"Thank you," Sara said frowning over her. Mike was stretching.  
  
"Let them go," the knight frowned back at Sara.  
  
"Why?" the old lady protested.  
  
"They are banished into the forest. They're worse than the talking donkey. Let them be killed by the ogre."  
  
One of the knights came to escort us, but Mell snatched away her arm.  
  
"We'll escort ourselves, thank you!" Mell marched towards the edge of the clearing towards the trees. I stuck my tongue out at the knight. He bowed stiffly and returned to his post.  
  
We walked a little ways silently into the woods. I looked at Sara and Mell and they were scowling and stomping through the brush.  
  
"What did CGI stand for?" I asked timidly. Sara giggled at this.  
  
"Computer Generated Images."  
  
"Clever!" I said laughing. Mike was stumbling behind us.  
  
"Wait up!" he ran over next to me. "It was your fault I came with you weirdoes in the first place."  
  
"Hey, we didn't know it would work!" Mell said over her shoulder.  
  
"Now to find the swamp," Sara said and marched off grandly, with us following behind. 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two  
  
We walked until dusk. It had seemed so much shorter in the movie, but maybe they cut a scene. We trudged through the muddy undergrowth until I thought my feet would fall off. Finally, I heard voices. Lots of voices.  
  
The ground got softer and squishier. We squelched through the mud and caught sight of light up ahead.  
  
"Aw, finally," Mike groaned behind me, "my feet are killing me."  
  
"It's the swamp!" Mell cried and despite our soreness, us girls started running towards the light, with it growing ever larger and the voices ever louder. I could barely hear Mike yelling at us from behind. I bumped into Sara and Mell as they stopped short at the top of the hill.  
  
Over the entire span of the swamp at the bottom of the slope were tents upon tents and thousands of strange creatures. Voices were shouting, singing, crying and laughing.  
  
"Are you fairy tale creatures too?"  
  
"Who said that?" Sara jumped.  
  
"Down here. I said, are you fairy tale creatures too?"  
  
It was Pinocchio. He was short and thin with skinny wooden arms coming out from his sleeves and his trousers were cut short at the knee. His wooden nose was short.  
  
"Well, no WE aren't," Mell replied, "but he is." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder at the stumbling Mike, hollering at us.  
  
"Ah. Well, come and rest yourself anyhow. We have plenty of room."  
  
All of a sudden, Pinocchio's nose grew about a foot.  
  
"Oops, hehe, well, darn nose won't let me hospitable. We actually are pretty full, but we'll try to fit you four somewhere. Perhaps in the house."  
  
The little wooden man led us down the hill and through a tiny path that wound around the tents. We reached a little clearing of people where there stood a small house, made up of natural elements. Grass grew over the roof and mud was smeared over the windows. A short-legged donkey was sitting quietly (?) on the front stoop. By now, Mike had caught up with us.  
  
"Just give a knock on the door, someone ought to live there."  
  
As we walked towards the front door made of tree bark, there seemed to be some yelling coming from inside the house. I gulped and crept forward. Maybe Shrek was more vicious in real life.  
  
"Howdy folks!" the donkey stood up and said cheerfully.  
  
"Uh, hello Donkey," Sara said awkwardly. The ass walked around and through our legs.  
  
"Wow. You're even taller than Shrek and that's sayin' somethin'. Ya know, Shrek is not in a very happy mood right now and I don't think ya ought to be goin' in there. He kicked me out. It's not that I don't like bein' out here alone. Well, that is, until these people showed up. Boy, Shrek's not gonna like this. I was just tellin' him all the fun stuff we'd do tonight 'cause I don't have anywhere to sleep. We were gonna stay up late, swoppin' manly stories and in the mornin' we were gonna make waffles. Then he got all angry and made me sit out here. I donno why, maybe he don't like waffles. I like waffles, almost as much as parfait. Man, parfait is somethin' else. You ever try parfait?"  
  
The donkey stopped for breath and looked at me. I shook my head, soundlessly.  
  
"Well, ya outta. Ya haven't lived until you've tried parfait. Shrek don't like parfait. I don't think he likes anything. Hey, where ya goin'? We were havin' a real good conversation."  
  
I followed Sara and Mell through the tent path.  
  
"Whew, that's enough of him for now," Sara said over her shoulder, "there'll be more of Donkey on our quest."  
  
"How do you know we're gonna go with Shrek? We haven't even met him yet."  
  
"Well, the way I see it, it's our fantasy. We can go with whomever we want."  
  
"Okay, but I don't think Shrek is gonna take us. He sounded pretty mean to me."  
  
Sara turned around and I crashed into her.  
  
"That donkey is all talk. Literally. Our fantasy has to be exciting. I'm not gonna sit around with these creatures. Where's Mike?"  
  
I turned around. Mike was no where to be found. We searched through every tent and found him sitting in one with a witch. The witch had a crystal ball on the table.  
  
"Mike! Come on! Shrek'll be coming out any minute!"  
  
"Hold on, I'm getting my fortune told."  
  
"Ah ha!" the witch suddenly exclaimed, "You'll meet a most frightening creature of the worst sort. Of what kind, I cannot tell, but it breathes fire."  
  
"Ya see? We were meant to go on this quest now let's go!"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!" a loud voice came from the little clearing.  
  
"That's Shrek! Come on Mike!" I pulled him up and we raced downwards to the grassy clearing. A large green-well--ogre stood angrily in front of us. I swallowed with difficulty and listened to his words.  
  
".welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this Farquod right now and getting you all off my land and back where you came from!"  
  
The whole crowd burst with applause and cheering. Shrek looked annoyed and grabbed the donkey and a torch, and started pushing through the crowd. I gasped and ran after him, with my friends running beside.  
  
"Wait!" we screamed. Shrek and the donkey turned around.  
  
"What?" Shrek sounded really pissed off.  
  
"We-um, we, well-  
  
"-wanted to come with you. We know where Dualoch is and we want to go," Sara finished for me.  
  
There was a chorus of 'yeah's.'  
  
"Um, let me think about it.no." Shrek turned and stomped towards the forest.  
  
"But why?" we moaned in unison. Mike even joined in.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Because, because."  
  
"Because, because why?"  
  
"Urgh, just because ok? I don't want this donkey comin' with me, so I certainly don't want a bunch o'kids like you comin' neither!"  
  
Again, he marched away. I was starting to get angry. Now I know how Donkey and Fiona felt. This guy, or-well-monster was out of his mind.  
  
"Come on, you guys," I started to follow him, stomping through the underbrush. We marched into the dark of the trees, following the light of Shrek's torch.  
  
"Bum-BUM, Baa-ba-ba-BUM, bum-bum-baaa-bum-bum-ba-ba-bum, bum!"  
  
"Enough, with the Lord of the Rings theme music, Sara!" Mell yelled over her shoulder and slipped her headphones over her head. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
  
"She says we're lost."  
  
"Are we lost?"  
  
"I think we're lost."  
  
"Sara?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"I have a Snickers bar, but I don't know if I trust cartoon chocolate bars."  
  
"Hey, stop whispering. We need to catch up with our ogre friend and Donkey. They left fifteen minutes ago."  
  
Sara and I got up next to Mell. Mike groaned from his sleeping spot underneath an apple tree and stretched.  
  
"OW!" Mike rubbed his head and picked up an apple from the grass.  
  
"Well, there's your breakfast," Mell turned and laughed.  
  
"What about yours?"  
  
"I had mine an hour ago. I've been watching Shrek put his fire out. They've moved out."  
  
"What about our breakfast?"  
  
Mell pointed to the tree. Sara giggled.  
  
"How about second breakfasts? You know about them right?"  
  
"Sara?"  
  
"And how about lunch? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? Ya know about them right?"  
  
"Sara?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Please, spare us and take an apple."  
  
Mell threw one at her and Sara caught it, biting into it and making a face.  
  
"What? Does it taste bad?" I asked, about to take a bite out of mine.  
  
"No, it's just so." she swallowed, ".so tangy."  
  
"Come on, we're wasting time," Mell stood up, grabbing her CD player. Mike pulled himself up, reluctantly. Sara and I tossed our apples away and started following Mell up the slope.  
  
We had been traveling behind the two creatures all night. It wasn't until nearly dawn that they stopped and rested.  
  
"Does it really take this long to get to Dualoch?" I moaned.  
  
"I donno. But we have to be close. There's the corn field over there."  
  
We reached the top of the hill and a huge field spread out before us, all gold in the morning sunlight. In between the stalks far away from us, I could see a bobbing green head.  
  
"There they are!" I cried, pointing, "Let's go!"  
  
We ran down the other side of the hill and began clambering through the stalks. They reached about three feet higher than my head and the corn tops swayed gently in the breeze. It was so nice under here, away from the sun.  
  
"We've been walking for hours. Can't we stop and rest?" Mike panted, "The sun has gotten really hot."  
  
"Would if we could, but we can't so we won't," I looked back at him. The sun had somehow peeked through the tall plants and I could feel my neck starting to burn. My shirt was sticking to my back and my mouth longed for a cold soda.  
  
"We-don't-want-to lose-them," Sara panted back. Mell was simply drumming her fingers in her pockets and humming.  
  
"Aw, finally!" I sighed as we reached a clearing and a parking lot. A huge castle towered high above us and it made me feel so small and insignificant. As we passed over the parking lot, there were signs labeled, "Lancelot parking" and "Gwenivere parking."  
  
"There they go! They just finished the singing thing!" Mell yelled suddenly. We ran to a gate, where an employee lay in a faint on the pavement. It must have been Shrek.  
  
"Oo, oo, oo, can we do the singing thing?" Sara asked. We climbed through the gate bars and gathered in front of the little closed doors on the right.  
  
Around us, it looked a bit like a deserted Disney World. The sign of a store creaked and swayed in the wind and souvenirs of Lord Farquod lay neatly assembled in a shop window.  
  
"Press the button, press the button!" Mell hissed. Mike leaned over and pressed the button. There was a short clicking sound and then the doors swung open, revealing little wooden figures singing in their high voices.  
  
"Welcome to Dualoch!  
  
Such a perfect town!  
  
We have some rules let us lay them down!"  
  
I collapsed laughing. Even Mike started laughed and covered his mouth with his hand. Sara and Mell were leaning on each other.  
  
".shine your shoes, wipe your-face!  
  
Dualoch is  
  
Dualoch is  
  
Dualoch is a perfect place!"  
  
And the doors closed with a snap. Wiping tears from my eyes, I yelled, "Strike a pose!"  
  
The camera snapped a picture and a photo came from the slot. Mell grabbed it, laughing. I leaned over to see it.  
  
Mell had her "Weezer" sign figured with her fingers. Sara had her Lord of the Rings sign held up. I was smiling a big smile with my hands on my hips. Mike was standing in the background, grinning.  
  
"That's great," I said, reaching for it.  
  
"Hey who said you were gonna keep it?" Mell snatched the picture away. Sara grabbed the photo from her hand.  
  
"I did," Sara held it above her head. Mell and I began jumping for it, our arms reaching. And she was standing there with a smirk on her face.  
  
"Loving it," she looked up at Mike.  
  
"It gets old," he shrugged.  
  
"It's mine! I said strike a pose!"  
  
"But I got us here in the first place!" Mell jumped.  
  
"Nuh-uh, I-  
  
All of a sudden there was a sound of trumpets from down the street. Mike was given the picture to settle the matter for now. We hurried down the empty road to a huge gate with tall, wooden doors, pulled open to reveal.the huge stadium. Shrek was standing in the middle looking up at Lord Farquod, standing on his stone pulpit, like he was the king of the world. Knights were standing guard all along the sides of him and around the pitch. My eyes widened and I stepped back nervously, bumping into Sara.  
  
"Don't pull a Lord of the Rings now!" she hissed, "This is one of the most exciting parts!"  
  
"I'm not!" I hissed back. Ever since I got sick seeing Lord of the Rings, she hasn't let me forget it. I was scared all right, but I wasn't gonna let adventurous Sara see it.  
  
Getting myself pumped up, I listened to Shrek's and Farquod's conversation.  
  
"Well, that's not very nice! He's just a donkey!" Shrek turned to the ass standing at his feet.  
  
"I've changed my mind!" Farquod addressed the crowd, "The one who kills the ogre will go on the quest for me!"  
  
There was a moment of hesitation, then the knights in the pitch all ran towards Shrek. The green monster turned and backed away from them.  
  
"Hey, come on now. Can't we just settle this over a pint?" he asked nervously, holding up a cup from the table in the corner.  
  
"No?" he looked at the knights' faces, "All right then."  
  
And the fight began. Or rather the massacre. Shrek plowed over three of them, and the donkey climbed onto a barrel that fell to the ground, smashing three more knights.  
  
I gulped, covering my mouth. It was disgusting seeing the knights' bodies buried in the mud. Shrek ran into what looked like a wrestling box. The crowd was going wild. I could barely hear myself think. Shrek smacked two knights' heads together and they fell on top of each other to the ground.  
  
This was it, I thought. We have to go right now.  
  
"Come on you guys!" I yelled and ducked into the fray. Lord Farquod must have noticed.  
  
"More intruders! Fairy tale creatures! Kill them! Kill them!" he shouted at the guards. I ran towards the wrestling box, narrowly avoiding arrows. Mell was suddenly behind me. I slid behind one corner and scrunched up while a spear went past my knees. I watched Sara grab a stick from the ground and poke a knight in the stomach. The knight keeled over, gasping. Mike had two by the scruff of their necks and he banged them together, knocking them out. I carefully stood up and gasped. A thrown punch grazed my face and I sidestepped over and turned around, punching back. But I did not miss. I hit the knight square in the nose and he fell, nose bleeding.  
  
I cheered, then rubbed my knuckles, cursing. Mell flipped into the ring and tackled a knight. How many knights were there? They seemed to multiply. Shrek had one in a headlock and dragged him to Donkey, who hit him, knocking him out.  
  
I looked around for more. There was one towards the door. We all looked at him and he ran like the dickens out of the stadium.  
  
"YES!" I cried, jumping up, high-fiving Mell. Massaging my hand, I met with Sara and Mike from the other side. Shrek and Donkey came over, staring strangely at us, Shrek almost venomous.  
  
"Um, yes, it looks as if we have our winners!" Farquod yelled, "You have been chosen for my quest. All of you."  
  
"But I'm already on a quest!" Shrek yelled back panting, "A quest to get my swamp back!"  
  
Farquod seemed to think, then an idea came to him.  
  
"I'll make you a deal, ogre. Go on my quest and I'll give you your swamp back."  
  
"And the creatures?"  
  
"As good as gone!"  
  
Shrek was silent for a moment, thinking.  
  
"What sort of quest?"  
  
********************************************  
  
"No, you can't come! I don't know why ya followed me in the first place!"  
  
"Oh, come on, please?" I protested at the ogre.  
  
"Come on, you have to admit. We kicked some serious ass out there." Sara gave him a look.  
  
"Huh?" the donkey asked.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Can we come? Please, please, please?" us girls started to whine.  
  
"FINE, fine! But don't say I didn't warn ya, when we meet the dragon!" 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four  
  
"Aw, man, Shrek, you gotta watch it. You can't just blow one off like that, my mouth was open and everything."  
  
"Donkey, if it was me you'd be dead."  
  
I giggled, inwardly, holding my nose.  
  
"It's-  
  
"-brimstone," Sara, Mell and I said in unison. Shrek turned to us growling, muttering, "Precisely."  
  
We had been climbing a mountainside for nearly three hours and the disgusting smell was getting stronger. We all had our shirts over our noses. Our journey had lasted longer than expected. We were held up because the four of us refused to eat stewed bat, which made Shrek even more grumpy. We took longer to search for more apple trees.  
  
The slope got steeper and steeper. I eventually started crawling up the rocks.  
  
"OW! Whoa, falling, falling!" My feet slid down a few feet and I fell backwards, creating the "domino effect", with Mike behind me and so forth.  
  
"Geroff me! Geroff me!" someone's muffled voice yelled.  
  
"Sorry, sorry," Mike clambered up a boulder and let Sara and Mell out from the bottom of the "landslide."  
  
Casting dirty looks at him, Sara and Mell wiped themselves off and hurried up after Shrek. I shrugged and followed.  
  
At long last, we reached the top.  
  
"Aw, jeez," I swallowed with difficulty. Over the brim was a little path down to a not-so-sturdy-looking bridge over a lake of lava. On the other side stood a huge black castle that looked as if it needed a good paint job and a relocation notice. It stood on an island with lava floating about it on all sides. The bridge was the only way to get across.  
  
"Aw, jeez," I repeated. Shrek grinned.  
  
"Sure it's big enough, but look at the location!" he laughed, for what seemed like the first time since we arrived. We gave him confused looks and he shut up, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Well, come on," Shrek climbed over and started down the path. The donkey seemed a little hesitant, as did I.  
  
"Uh, Shrek? Remember when you said that ogres have layers?"  
  
"Yeah." Shrek was still walking.  
  
"Well, got a little surprise for ya, donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves."  
  
"But donkeys don't have sleeves."  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
I looked at my friends and slowly stepped down the path, trying not to look at what was in front of us.  
  
"You don't mean you're afraid?" Shrek continued.  
  
"Oh, no, I'm just dancing now!" Mike cut in sarcastically.  
  
"I'm just a little uncomfortable about going over a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!" Donkey agreed.  
  
"Come on, just don't look down."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind," I muttered.  
  
"Me too." Mell leaned over, staring down as a hot bubble burst in the fires below.  
  
Donkey went first, muttering to himself. Then Shrek went, muttering to himself too, complaining. Then I went and Sara and Mell and Mike went behind. I held onto the rope railings until I thought my hands would surely peel away from rope burn. I stepped every five seconds, careful to keep my eyes straight on the castle door that seemed a million miles away.  
  
"Oh, God, oh God, oh God," I could hear Sara muttering over my shoulder. Mell wasn't saying anything. I couldn't tell what Mike was doing.  
  
"SHREK! I'm lookin' down!" the donkey yelled in front.  
  
I whimpered, gripping the railings even harder.  
  
"Oh, for the love of Pete!" Shrek picked up Donkey and stood back up rather hard. The bridge bounced.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH! Don't do that!" I screamed. Shrek looked over his shoulder, amused.  
  
"What? This?" he jumped, making the bridge sway.  
  
"Yes, that!"  
  
"Do it. Okay." Shrek laughed and shook the bridge again.  
  
"STOP IT!" I screamed and Sara and Mell joined this time and I thought I heard Mike screaming too.  
  
"Okay, okay, sheesh," Shrek walked on.  
  
Getting a hold of myself, I stepped shakily onward, squeezing my eyes shut.  
  
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die," I muttered until my hands could no longer go any farther on the railing. My eyes slowly opened and I was on the other side. I exhaled a huge sigh of relief, breathing with difficulty.  
  
"MOVE PLEASE!" my friends shouted from behind. I jumped and walked forwards up a little hill.  
  
We entered the cavernous entrance hallway. It looked a little like Hogwarts had, but gloomier and lifeless. The black poles that reached to the ceiling were half burnt off. Remnants of knights armor lay about the floor and bones peeked out of them. I shrank away from a skull, looming out from a helmet in the corner.  
  
"Ok, now to find the princess," Shrek looked around, "Donkey go find the stairs."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"The princess will be up the stairs in the tallest room in the tallest tower."  
  
"What makes you think she'll be there?"  
  
"I read it in a book once." Shrek kept looking around.  
  
"Oh, can I go with him?" Sara pleaded.  
  
"God, I don't care!" Shrek waved an arm.  
  
"Oh, yay!" Sara grinned, "Come on Donkey! We'll find those stairs! We'll whip der butt too!"  
  
Donkey leaped with excitement and followed at Sara's heels down a hallway.  
  
"Come on, the lot of you!" Shrek beckoned Mell, Mike and me on.  
  
We walked a little ways down another hallway. It was colder down this way it seemed to get quieter. To ease the stillness, I nudged Mell and we started humming "Uptown Girl."  
  
"Not again," Mike hissed behind us.  
  
Still humming, I gave him a dirty look and marched faster.  
  
"Hey, there's the tower." Shrek pointed to a tall black tower in the distance outside a hole in the wall.  
  
"Now where's the--?  
  
"DRAGON!!!" I heard Sara's scream from behind. I whipped around long enough to see Sara and the donkey whiz past. I watched them for a spilt second, dumbstruck. Then came to my senses and ran faster than I've ever ran before.  
  
For little legs, Shrek could run really fast, he had to be faster than Rivers. I fell behind Mike, not being able to run as quickly and he stopped, grabbed my arm and dragged my forward.  
  
"Ow, ow, ow!" I yelped. He sighed and slung me over his shoulders. I watched fearfully behind us as we made our way through the twisting hallways. All of a sudden, I saw a burst of flames around the corner we had just turned and I panicked.  
  
"Dragon, dragon, dragon!" I wailed, punching his shoulder.  
  
"Stop it, you idiot!" he yelled back and tripped over some loose armor. I went flying onto my back in front of him.  
  
"Look who's the idiot now?" I shouted angrily at him. I picked myself up and started in the direction Sara and Mell were supposedly going.  
  
"Wait, wait, wait! I'm stuck!" Mike called behind me. I turned just in time to see a huge creature take the back of his shirt in its teeth and carry him off. I whimpered again and ran, calling my friends' names.  
  
"We're over here!" someone called from a corner. It was Sara. She was beckoning to me. My eyes filled with tears.  
  
"The-they-I mean it-got Mike!" I panted. Sara stood up, looked at me and waved me towards the dragon, beginning to run.  
  
"What the heck are you doing?"  
  
"Tis a queeeeessssstttt!" she yelled, turning a corner. I followed her. Donkey was suddenly at my heels.  
  
"Shrek's up in the tower!" he yelled up at me. We hurried back down the hallway and into another cavernous hall where the dragon was sitting in a big pile of gold coins with Mike wrapped tightly in its tail. I almost laughed. Sara was no where in sight. The dragon stared angrily at Mike, who seemed to be having a nervous breakdown.  
  
"I-I.um-you have a tight grip, don't you?" he struggled.  
  
"Don't worry, Mike, we're coming!"  
  
Two ropes swung downward from a balcony and Mell and Sara, clothed in armor and swords, wrapped their ropes around the dragon. The creature roared with frustration. Sara and Mell swung around and around until they let go and landed in somersaults next to me. Mell stood up shakily and dizzily walked towards me.  
  
"N-nothing to it." She grinned.  
  
"I'm the one in the middle, Mell." I giggled.  
  
"Wow. That was like the Paratrooper, except better."  
  
I raised my eyebrows at Sara. She cowered.  
  
"I'm soooooooorryyyyyy."  
  
"Come on. The dragon is still here."  
  
The dragon was clawing at the ropes tied around its waist and neck. Mike was released in its efforts to free itself. Donkey came between my legs.  
  
"Whew. That was a close one. Another minute and your friend would've been toast. Literally."  
  
Mike was laying facedown on the ground. We ran to him and knelt beside him, flipping him over. He slowly opened his eyes. I looked him over.  
  
"You look ok to me. Can you get up?"  
  
He gave me a shocked look.  
  
"NO."  
  
"Wimp. Try."  
  
He pulled himself to a sitting position. All of a sudden, something wrapped around my waist and I was yanked upwards violently. I looked up and saw the dragon's face in mine.  
  
"Don't eat me. I-I'm just a little fourteen-year-old girl. You don't like me, really you don't. It." I remembered what the donkey did. ".it would ruin that lovely smile of yours."  
  
The dragon looked menacing at me for a minute and I squeezed my eyes shut, ready for the blow. But it didn't come. I allowed my eyes to open and the dragon was somehow smiling at me.  
  
"Hehe." I waved with my free hand, smiling weakly. My friends were waiting on the ground with bated breath.  
  
Slowly, the dragon let me down on the ground and patted me on the head. I exhaled, relieved. The monster then looked at Sara and Mell, seeming to ask them if there were any more offenders. They smiled nonchalantly.  
  
But there were more takers. All of a sudden, Shrek came through the door with a girl behind him.  
  
"Run!" he yelled and we followed together through the door and down the hallway to the entrance hall. The girl was running in front of us. Shrek then did that trick with the chain and wound the dragon around the poles of the entrance hall, making it caught. It started getting angry again and blowing flames.  
  
We ran out the front door with the dragon almost at our heels. We were running over the bridge.halfway.three-quarters.CRACK! The other end of the bridge snapped from the dragon's fire and we went tumbling towards the lava.  
  
Grabbing onto Mike's hand underneath me and holding onto a part of the bridge, I screamed as loud as I could. The bridge fell to the wall of rock on the opposite side of the castle, banging against it. When it slowed down, I climbed up, letting Mike grab hold of the bridge.  
  
I reached the top, gasping and crawled up the path a little ways. Mike collapsed on a patch of grass. Sara and Mell fell beside me, panting.  
  
"See?" Sara gasped, "'Twas a quest." 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five  
  
"Let's get out of here!" Donkey shuddered at the sight of the roaring dragon caught at the end of the chain hurling fire at us.  
  
"I'm all for it." I stood up and hurried away with him. We climbed down to a ledge where the stench of brimstone didn't overpower our smelling senses. Sara, Mell and I collapsed again together on a rock, waiting for Shrek.  
  
When he came down the slope, the strange girl was with him. She looked very excited and happy to be away from the castle.  
  
"Princess Fiona!" Sara exclaimed, standing and smiling kindly, "You poor thing, you must be so relieved to get out of there."  
  
"You cannot imagine my anxiety," Fiona spoke for the first time. Her voice was clear and sweet, yet it had a tang in it that seemed to thirst for open air and adventure. I didn't blame her in the least.  
  
"Oh, thank you, thank you all!" she continued, spinning happily in circles, "And for my prince…"  
  
She turned to Mike, smiling.  
  
"What?!" he said.  
  
"Well, you are my rescuer, are you not?"  
  
"Ahem, um, yes, one of them."  
  
"And you are prince charming, are you not?" she moved closer.  
  
I snorted at this.  
  
"Uh, wel—no."  
  
"Oh, yes you are. Aren't you going to kiss me?"  
  
"Uh, no, I mean, why?"  
  
"To fulfill your rescue and completely finish it. Oh, you must know how it goes! A princess awaiting in a castle for a knight in shining armor to come and rescue her and then they share love's first kiss."  
  
I had never seen Mike look so uncomfortable as he did now. His face turned beet red and he shrank away, stuttering.  
  
"Face it, Mike," Mell shrugged, "She thinks you're a babe."  
  
He threw daggers at Mell with his eyes. She guffawed and I burst out laughing.  
  
"I think your real rescuer is Shrek over here."  
  
"Hmm?" Fiona was staring at Mike.  
  
"Over here, the tall guy with the helmet on; behind you."  
  
Fiona turned around flustered. Shrek twiddled his thumbs, giving a weak grin.  
  
"Well, take off your helmet, so I can look upon the face of my REAL rescuer." she glanced at us.  
  
"Uh, no."  
  
"Oh, come on, please take it off."  
  
"Um, well, I-I have helmet hair."  
  
"As princess, I command you to take off your helmet!"  
  
"Fine, FINE! Ok, keep your hair on!"  
  
Shrek pulled off his helmet and there was a silence. I glanced awkwardly at Fiona and she was staring at Shrek rather disappointed. He gave a smile, expecting her to say something.  
  
"Well?" he asked. Fiona seemed to come to her senses.  
  
"Um, you're a…an ogre."  
  
"Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming?" Shrek asked sarcastically.  
  
"Well, yes actually." Fiona wrung her hands together. She muttered, saying, "No! This is wrong!"  
  
"You're not supposed to be an ogre!" she cried almost in tears. Shrek looked very taken aback. The rest of us stood there rather awkwardly. Mike was still recovering and was staying behind me. Fiona stomped around, not really sure what to do.  
  
"Oh!" she groaned, "Why couldn't you rescue me?" she demanded at Mike, who cowered behind me. I tried very hard not to scream.  
  
"You do have a suitor!" Shrek cut in, suddenly, "We're supposed to take you to Lord Farquod. He's the one that wants to marry you."  
  
"Then why didn't he come and rescue me?" the princess protested.  
  
"I don't know. You can ask him that when we get there."  
  
"Well, if Lord Farquod wants to rescue me properly, then I'll be waiting right here!" she sat down rigidly on a rock and folded her arms.  
  
"No, you have to come with us!" Shrek shouted angrily.  
  
"Make me!" Fiona shouted back.  
  
"FINE!" Shrek yelled. He grabbed Fiona around the waist and slung her over his shoulders and started walking.  
  
"Hey! This is not dignified! Put me down!" she started screaming at him and punching his shoulders with her fists.  
  
After a while, she calmed down and began to sulk. We followed behind Shrek in a silent line, keeping eyes away from each other. We walked a long way into the woods.  
  
It was so silent, I needed to scream. Suddenly, I felt the urge to say something.  
  
"Is there a creek anywhere? I'm getting thirsty." I wasn't really thirsty, but I had to say something.  
  
"Yeah, coming up." Shrek muttered.  
  
"Fiona seemed kind of a brat to me, didn't she?" I whispered to Sara, walking next to me.  
  
"Yeah, but she'll cool off after a while, when she realizes how much she and Shrek have in common."  
  
Suddenly the donkey started talking.  
  
"Well, I've been holding my tongue too long. I need some conversation. Are we getting to Dualoch soon, Shrek?"  
  
Shrek dropped Fiona onto the grass and walked to a little creek a ways off the path. Fiona grumbled after him.  
  
"We'll be there by morning no doubt."  
  
"Morning?" Fiona suddenly looked worried. We, of course, knew why.  
  
"We aren't getting there tonight?" she asked timidly.  
  
"No, we're walking over night and we'll get there in the morning!" Shrek dipped his hands in the water.  
  
"I think we should stop here for the night."  
  
"Why?" Shrek wiped his face.  
  
"Because there are—uh—robbers…in the woods."  
  
"Whoa, whoa. Robbers?" Donkey suddenly stood up, "I don't know Shrek I don't like the sound o'that."  
  
"Oh, please. I'm scarier than anything you'll find in this forest." Shrek stood up.  
  
"I NEED TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO CAMP NOW!" Fiona screamed.  
  
We all stood there, gaping at her.  
  
Two hours later, at dusk, we found a suitable cave. Fiona stripped some bark off a tree and made a door.  
  
"Do you want me to sing ya a bedtime story, 'cause I will!" Donkey asked happily.  
  
"Good night!" she said stiffly and closed the door.  
  
"Pushy, pushy," I shook my head, "She's way more bossy in real life than in the movie."  
  
"Aren't they all?" Sara shrugged.  
  
We all lay side by side on the grass in front of the cave. Donkey had protested that we girls should sleep in the cave too, but we agreed we didn't want to be near that snobby princess.  
  
After we were settled in, Shrek made a fire and we lay under the stars, talking.  
  
"So, uh, when we get back to our swamp, what are we gonna do?"  
  
"Wait, wait, our swamp?" Shrek turned to the donkey, startled, "It's my swamp. There's no 'we'."  
  
"Well, that's an awful selfish remark," I interrupted.  
  
"Well, I live alone. No one else. It's only me!" Shrek said.  
  
"Again, you're so selfish."  
  
"Don't you know why I live alone?"  
  
"Well, why?"  
  
"Because no one wants to live with me. All they say when they look at me is a big stupid ugly ogre. They don't even get to know me," his voice lowered.  
  
"I'm sure they were misled from your lovely 'welcome' signs around your property," I said sarcastically.  
  
"Well, I figured if no one wanted to know me, it wasn't worth trying to get to know them."  
  
"Sounds like you're judging too."  
  
Shrek was silent. I was hoping Fiona heard that.  
  
"So, Sara? Mell? Where we going next?"  
  
"Toy Story," they said quickly together.  
  
"No, no, no. I refuse to do another cartoon movie." Mike cut in, sitting up.  
  
"Fine, then we'll just have an adventure without you."  
  
"No! I'll come, I'll come!"  
  
"So, uh, Mike," Mell turned on her side, "Looks like you got a girlfriend!" she teased.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh, come on, Fiona was all over you today!" Sara joined in.  
  
"No, she was not!"  
  
"She's pretty, isn't she?" I added.  
  
"No, she—well…"  
  
"Yeah, we know, we know you like her."  
  
"I do not! She's scary."  
  
"I agree to that." Sara raised her eyebrows. 


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six  
  
"Good morning everyone!" a sweet voice said behind me. I stretched, sat up, and turned around.  
  
"Princess Fiona!" I cried.  
  
"Hello. I thought we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday, so I thought I'd take the liberty to make you some breakfast."  
  
"Uh…thanks."  
  
Shrek was up by now, staring confusedly at the rock of steaming eggs that lay beside Fiona. Donkey stirred in his sleep.  
  
"Hmm…yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about," he kicked about.  
  
"Donkey!" I cried, giggling.  
  
"What? Oh yeah good mornin' Ann! And good mornin' princess! Don't you look happy this morning!"  
  
"That I am Donkey! I'm really sorry about yesterday. I was just in a bad mood."  
  
"Good m—m—morning!" Sara yawned. Then she saw the eggs cooking.  
  
"Oh! Good morning Fiona!"  
  
Mike screamed in his sleep. We all jumped and looked over. Fiona bent over him and shook him awake. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at her.  
  
"AAHH! No, not you again! Get away from me!" he scrambled away.  
  
"I know what he was dreaming about!" I muttered to Sara.  
  
"Hey!" he glared at me.  
  
"What I miss? What I miss?" Mell was up.  
  
"Oh, nothing," Sara and I grinned at each other.  
  
After breakfast, we headed out towards Dualoch. Shrek busied himself with making sure we all stayed together. A path formed in the forest and we followed it, getting bored with all the walking.  
  
Around lunchtime, we started walking slower and slower. All of a sudden, a man in green jumped out of the bushes grabbing Fiona and whipping her up a tree. We screamed and waved our arms at him.  
  
"Hey!" Shrek yelled, "That's my princess, get your own!"  
  
It was Robin Hood.  
  
"Back you green monster! Back you rogue! We've come to rescue you, you pretty damsel!"  
  
"Who are you?" Fiona demanded angrily.  
  
"Why, I'll show you fairest lady! Oh, merry meeeeennnn!"  
  
A group of other men dressed in green jumped out of the bushes and burst into song. It was more strangely frightening than in the movie. They leaped about with their mandolin things and Robin jumped in the middle, dancing. The song got louder and more annoying. I covered my ears in protest.  
  
Then another green figure jumped from the tree, punching out Robin and the song stopped.  
  
"Man, that was annoying!" Fiona wiped her hands. Then all the merry men started running after her.  
  
"HHIII-YYAAHH!" she screamed, doing a high kick to the face of a merry man, knocking him out. We watched in amazement.  
  
She punched through an accordion, hitch-kicked another man, swung around and hit another round the head, and kicked out backwards.  
  
When it was all over and the dust settled, all Robin's merry men lay out cold on the ground. There were stray arrows from their bows scattered about them. We all stared at Fiona.  
  
"Hehe, well, let's move on, shall we?" she wiped her forehead and began walking.  
  
"She has too much free time," I heard Mell mutter. Then there was a scurrying of leaves and Fiona tensed. She turned.  
  
"Come out, you stupid merry man!" she raised her arms. The leaves parted and a red head came through, looking up. It was a girl. For a spilt second, I thought Anne had somehow…but no, that was impossible.  
  
"Are they all gone?" the redhead asked, getting up.  
  
"Who? The merry men?" I replied.  
  
"Yes. Are they gone?"  
  
"Yeah. Princess Fiona just beat them all up." Mell nodded towards the princess, smiling, "Why?"  
  
"Well, they sort of kidnapped me when they said they were rescuing me from I don't know what." She talked fast.  
  
"And I was just wandering a little ways from my village and all of a sudden they just sort of came up on me and sang that stupid song and carried me off, claiming they were rescuing me from dangerous perils."  
  
I was beginning to like this girl, but I had no idea she would turn up. I mean, she didn't show up in the movie, why now?  
  
"I need to get home, my mother will be worrying but I'm just so grateful to you guys for getting me away from them. What are you up to anyway?"  
  
She asked kind of suspiciously. We told her of our recent adventures with the dragon and with the knights of Lord Farquod and what we had been sent out to do.  
  
At the end of our long story, she sighed and clasped her hands.  
  
"Oh, I wish I could go along with you. Your adventures sound so exciting and fun and you must be the most interesting people to journey around with. But I have to get home. Could I walk with you a ways?"  
  
"Uh, yeah sure," Sara said rather confusedly. We went along the path some and the girl talked the whole way to her village.  
  
"The reason I have to get home is that Mother works at the castle and she says Lord Farquod is planning a big wedding for when you come Fiona. I really love it here with you. You must be very brave to go about doing Lord Farquod's duties."  
  
"Uh, well— I started, but Sara nudged me.  
  
"Yeah, we've been through a lot. Are you going to the wedding?"  
  
"Oh yes. Oh there's my village. Hopefully I'll see you at the church. It'll either be tomorrow or the next day, I'm sure. You're all coming, right?"  
  
"Yes, it should be a—ahem—very interesting wedding." Mell cleared her throat.  
  
"Well, bye!" the redhead disappeared through the trees.  
  
We looked after her a while.  
  
"That was the strangest thing I've ever seen," Sara stared down the girl's path.  
  
"It was certainly unexpected, but we have to go on," Shrek talked for the first time in a while.  
  
We tried not to think about the girl and walked on to what was a perfect afternoon. It started really with Shrek letting out a huge burp (of all things).  
  
"Shrek! You should be more polite in front of the princess and all the girls!" Donkey protested. Fiona let out an even bigger belch.  
  
"Argh! She's even nastier than you are, Shrek!"  
  
From then on, Shrek looked at Fiona in a different view. She made the spider web to catch the annoying afternoon May flies. I was nearly sick when both she and Shrek took a bite out of it. They made real animal balloons with a frog and a snake and walked together over the fields. The rest of us kind of stayed in the background and watched amused.  
  
By the end of the day, we had decided to stay another night on our journey. Fiona admitted that she was having the time of her life and kind of regretted getting to Dualoch. We set up camp by the abandoned barn.  
  
Sara, Mell, Mike and I wouldn't touch the roasted weed rat that Shrek made, but Fiona and him sat until sunset eating them.  
  
"I think it's going to get interesting," I thought to myself, taking a bite of an apple.  
  
*A/N – If you read the long review by Shaazi, you'll understand why this girl was put in… 


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven  
  
The sun was just beginning to go down and things were just about to get better, or so I thought.  
  
"Maybe sometime you can come to my swamp and I'll cook all kinds of things for ya. Now I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew."  
  
"Oh, that sounds delicious. And I'd love to come to eat of your cooking sometime."  
  
There was silence. Shrek and Fiona were finishing off the weed rats and talking.  
  
"Uh, Fiona?" Shrek started.  
  
"Yes, Shrek?"  
  
"Are you—?  
  
We stood behind Fiona and nodded to him, beckoning on him. Shrek swallowed with difficulty.  
  
"Are you…are you gonna eat that?" he sighed, pointing to the extra weed rat in her hand.  
  
"Oh, no, go ahead."  
  
"Well, isn't this romantic?" Donkey jumped up from behind the log they were sitting while we were shaking our heads, "You two just sitting here watching the sun go down."  
  
"Sun go down!" Fiona jumped, "Um, I've got to go to bed. Thank you for dinner!"  
  
She whirled around.  
  
"Wait, why…oh I see. You're afraid of the dark, aren't ya?" Donkey asked, trotting alongside her.  
  
"Yes!" she gasped, "I-I'm terrified. So I think I'll just sleep in there tonight. Good night!"  
  
And she rushed inside the deserted barn.  
  
"Well, how do ya like that?" Mike asked, strolling over to Shrek, "Why did you let her go?"  
  
"I—I--  
  
"—Oh come on now!" Sara put in, "You saw her today! She was a completely different person. She has so much in common with you, Shrek! You have all the material, you just need to read the manual."  
  
I laughed.  
  
"Sara, it's probably not a good thing to teach him the 'bend and snap' right now," I nudged her giggling.  
  
"Shrek, I think she really likes you! I say go for it!" Mell had joined in. He looked at all of us strangely.  
  
"There is no question—I mean…there is no answer to that, Mell!" he protested, "And even if I did…I'm not sayin' I do, 'cause I don't, but um…I—I…I'm just gonna…get…more firewood."  
  
He scratched his head and stood up, walking away into the on-coming darkness.  
  
"Oh, well, we tried," I shrugged.  
  
"That's what happened in the movie, remember? This is exactly what's supposed to happen. I know he likes her." Sara protested.  
  
"Let's just go to sleep, I'm so tired." Mike stretched.  
  
"Sure ya don't want to sleep in the barn, Mike?" Mell asked teasingly. Oh boy if looks could kill…  
  
"Shut it," he muttered, cracking his knuckles.  
  
We built a fire from the already large woodpile and waited for Shrek to come back. Donkey collapsed next to me.  
  
"Boy, I'm gonna need some serious therapy after all this is over. Look at my eye twitching!" I glanced over, giggling.  
  
"This is all too dramatic for me. One more love story and I'm just gonna go kill myself."  
  
"Don't talk like that Donkey. I'm sure everything will come out fine. They usually do in fairy tales. Come on, let's go check on Fiona!"  
  
I stood up taking Mell and Sara with me, telling Mike to watch for Shrek.  
  
We walked close together up the stone steps and creaked open the door. It was dark and the wooden beams from the ceiling I'm sure carried more than just dust. I gulped, even though I knew that only Fiona was here.  
  
"Fiona?" Donkey called softly, "Please come on out, I don't like playin' no games."  
  
A floorboard creaked in the loft and a huge crash echoed in the little room. We all screamed even though we knew what it was.  
  
A green creature rose from the rubble and walked timidly. Donkey was in hysterics.  
  
"What did you do with the princess?" he cried.  
  
"No, it's me, the princess, inside this body," the creature said.  
  
"Oh my God, you ate the princess!" Donkey started screaming at the green creature's stomach, "Don't worry Princess, I'm gonna get ya outta there. Just breathe deeply."  
  
"Donkey! It's me! Princess Fiona!" Donkey calmed down a little.  
  
"Princess? But you…you look different."  
  
"I'm ugly!" she swiped the air with a limp hand. I had to admit it; she wasn't her pretty self anymore. Instead of the lovely carrot red curls and the green eyes and the freckles, there was a green head and green fingers and arms and legs and face. She looked like a girl Shrek. Instead of the slim and strong figure, there was green pudginess.  
  
"When--?"  
  
"I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Every night, I turn into this hideous creature when the sun goes down. And in the morning, I turn into my pretty self. Oh, I hate it like this!" Fiona punched a haystack.  
  
"It's really not so bad. Well, I mean, yes, you are ugly," Donkey admitted, "but ya know, Shrek's ugly 24/7."  
  
"That's why I want to get to Dualoch as soon as possible tomorrow and get married so Lord Farquod doesn't see me like…like this!"  
  
"How does it stop?" I asked, knowing perfectly well what she would say.  
  
"The spell is broken only when I receive love's first kiss and I will take love's true form. Until then, I'm pretty by day, ugly by night. So that's why I can't stay here with Shrek. I must get to Dualoch. No one could love a hideous ugly beast. Can't you see Donkey?"  
  
I fell asleep in the barn with Fiona and Donkey and Sara and Mell.  
  
In the morning, I awoke to sunshine poring through the windows. I stretched, yawned and walked outside. Fiona was in her regular body and was sleeping soundly with a sunflower next to her, all the petal torn off. I walked down the stone steps. Mike was awake.  
  
"I-I tried to stop him," he started.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I tried to stop him from leaving, he came with a flower for Fiona and he must have heard something that made him angry because he stomped off into the woods and he hasn't come back. The flower was on the porch, but I guess it blew away."  
  
"No, it hasn't." I explained to him what I saw with Fiona. All of a sudden I heard some steps through the grass.  
  
"Ah, good morning, Shrek!" I said cheerfully, hoping he would do the same.  
  
"It's no good morning, I can tell ya that!" Shrek stomped up to the stone steps. Fiona and the rest of our group came out.  
  
"Good morning Shrek! I have to tell you something!" Fiona exclaimed, rushing down the steps.  
  
"You don't have to tell me anything! I heard it all perfectly well last night."  
  
"You heard what I said?" Fiona asked faintly.  
  
"Every word! Like you said, 'nobody could love a hideous ugly beast!" he shouted.  
  
"But I thought that wouldn't matter to you." Fiona said timidly.  
  
"Yeah, well, it does! Ah, right on time!" he looked over at a group of knights riding horseback towards us. A horse whinnied as they approached. Lord Farquod sat upon the front horse. I looked up at him.  
  
"I'm sorry to startle you Princess, but you startle me!" Farquod said in his syrupy voice. I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Come, let me down."  
  
"I'm sorry, my lord, I was just saying a short…"she watched as they lowered Farquod to stand up to her waist, "…farewell."  
  
"Oh, don't be silly! You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre!" he chuckled, "It's not like it has feelings."  
  
I gasped with anger. Shrek turned back from walking away. Fiona lowered her eyes in anger.  
  
"You're right, he doesn't."  
  
Shrek started walking away again.  
  
"Come forth, fairest lady, for we wed tomorrow."  
  
"NO!" Fiona jumped from her gaze, "I mean…let's get married today."  
  
"Hmm, hmm, feisty one, eh? You're right, the sooner the better. Come, there's no time to lose!"  
  
A knight's hand was offered to help Fiona up onto a horse, but she leaped on by herself.  
  
"Fare thee well, ogre!" Fiona cried politely, waving a polite hand.  
  
We watched her leave, then ran after Shrek.  
  
"SHREK!" I screamed, "Run after her!"  
  
"NO!" he yelled back in my face. I gulped and backed away.  
  
"I have my swamp back and now I'm gonna live by myself. I live alone! Nobody else! No one else!" he screamed, running off.  
  
We stared after him for a long time as he disappeared through the trees.  
  
Cue sad music. The four of us and Donkey walked a while together down the path until Donkey went a separate way, saying a sad farewell.  
  
"Well, that went well," Mike sighed.  
  
"Oh, it's not over yet!" I said, "We still have to get the dragon, fly our way to the swamp, get Shrek to the church and get him to say those three words to Fiona and THEN it's happily ever after with 'I'm a Believer' and stuff."  
  
"Well, let's get started!" 


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight  
  
We searched through nearby villages, asking if anyone had per chance seen a dragon wandering around. Everyone answered in pretty much the same way:  
  
"Dragon?! No, of course I haven't seen a dragon!" And then there'd be the slam of the door in our faces.  
  
It was nearing late afternoon and we were so tired of walking up and down the roads, for the villages were not far from each other, but just enough to make one exhausted. We trudged, defeated, into the woods, taking a break in a small clearing.  
  
"So, that's it, I guess," I sighed, leaning against a tree and folding my arms.  
  
"Maybe Donkey found the dragon, he did in the movie," Sara shrugged.  
  
"Somehow I don't think so, he didn't stray too far from here and I think we would've noticed if a dragon flew over our heads," Mell protested, "I wish we were back with Weezer, then they could at least keep us with entertainment, I'm so bummed. Our fantasy didn't work this time."  
  
"There's too much walking involved in your fantasies," Mike complained glumly.  
  
"Oh, I wonder why you think that, Mr. I'm-so-lazy. You're the one who got a ride home from our house when you live around the corner!" I sat up, staring hard at him.  
  
"I-it was at night!" he protested.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Stop, stop, I thought I heard something!" Sara tensed.  
  
"It better not be Robin Hood," Mell looked over her shoulder, "That is one. scary. guy."  
  
"No, it was something in the trees."  
  
"He could be climbing again, waiting to jump down and make us all deaf with his French song."  
  
"Ssh!"  
  
I listened hard. Off somewhere in the sky, I heard some kind of whooshing, like a hard wind.  
  
"It's coming from over there!" I pointed above the trees off to our left.  
  
"LOOK!" Sara yelled. We all looked and up in the sky was a huge scarlet- skinned creature, flying over our heads.  
  
"It's the dragon!" Mell jumped up. We started waving our arms and jumping up and down to get its attention. It must have noticed because it slowly lowered down to the ground.  
  
When its huge claws touched the earth, we ran towards it, hollering. But there was someone riding it.  
  
It was the red-haired girl we met the day before.  
  
"Hello!" she said cheerfully. We stood dumbfounded.  
  
"I figured you'd need a way to wherever you're going, so I decided to give you a little help."  
  
"Ho—How—how did you—?"  
  
"Oh, don't ask me how I got her, some books are better left on the shelf."  
  
Where had I heard that before?  
  
"I—I don't what to say." I stammered, turning crimson.  
  
"Don't say anything. I just wanted to see you again. After all, you saved my life; I needed a chance to save yours. Or…whatever."  
  
"Thank you. A lot!" I said, confused.  
  
"Oh, your most welcome. This dragon, here, she's very tame and gentle. Just be careful when you get on her, she's tends to squirm a bit. Here let me help you on."  
  
She gave us all a hand up, so we were eventually all sitting single file on the dragon's back.  
  
"Thanks, again. This is so sweet of you." Sara turned down to her.  
  
"Oh, no problem!"  
  
"Hey, wait, what's your…name?" I looked down to the ground, but she was gone.  
  
"All right, come on, dragon! Off to the swamps!"  
  
We sailed into the sky (cue dramatic music) and over the fields. It was so beautiful, flying over the hills like this. The breeze brushed my hair from my face and I sighed.  
  
"Hey! Get an elastic or something! Your hair's (cough, cough) getting in my face!"  
  
"Oh, sorry Mike," I sighed, my moment of glory over. I tied my hair back.  
  
Glancing down, I saw a wooden house coming up.  
  
"There!" I shouted to the dragon. The dragon lowered itself and near a little outhouse, I could see a green creature and a tiny four-legged animal looking up amazed.  
  
"Hey, need a ride?" Sara asked, wiggling her eyebrows.  
  
"All right!" Donkey cried, getting a few arms to help him up.  
  
Shrek stood there, astounded.  
  
"Don't ask how, just get on! You want to rescue your princess, don't you?" Donkey yelled. Shrek made a running jump and leaped onto the back of the dragon. It reared and was off again; the sun going ever lower in the sky.  
  
Again, we sailed (music repeat, please!) into the clouds and over to Dualoch. The dragon landed in the main square in front of the church. Several guards screamed and ran away.  
  
"Hey, we'll whistle when we need ya, how about that? You go off and explore," Mell instructed the dragon. Shrek rushed to the main door. I giggled.  
  
"Wait, wait, wait, there's a line, there's a line ya gotta wait for!" I scrambled to him, "The priest is gonna say, 'speak now, forever hold your peace,' and THAT'S when you gotta say, 'I OBJECT'!"  
  
"Oh, please…!" Shrek turned to the door.  
  
"Wait," Sara said, catching on, "You love this woman, don't you?"  
  
"Yes," Shrek said, impatiently. Mell pushed forward.  
  
"Do ya wanna hold her?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Please her?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Then ya got to, got to try a little tenderness!" the three of us sang, laughing. Shrek looked at us weirdly, then sighed.  
  
"All right. But we have to find out when he says it."  
  
"There's no way you're throwing me up there," I said, shaking my head.  
  
"Oh, come on, you're small enough!" Sara cocked her head.  
  
"Where's Donkey?" I asked impatient.  
  
"I'm here!" he crawled through Mell's feet and squeezed to the front.  
  
"We're gonna throw you up there and you're gonna see what's happening and if the priest said the line yet."  
  
Mike tossed the donkey up to the window and he looked in and then fell back down.  
  
"Hasn't said it yet," the ass shook his head. Shrek tapped his foot.  
  
Donkey was thrown up again and again.  
  
"Gosh, he already said it!" Donkey cried.  
  
"Oh for the love of Pete!" Shrek ran into the church and we could hear shouting from outside, "I OBJECT!"  
  
"Come on, let's go!" we ran inside up to the alter where Fiona and Lord Farquod were about to kiss. The congregation screamed and several people fainted.  
  
"Oh, what do you want now?" Lord Farquod asked angrily and impatiently, "It's bad enough being alive when no one wants you!"  
  
Mell and I held Sara back from jumping on the little man. Fiona cringed in her white wedding dress.  
  
"Fiona, I need to talk to you!" Shrek looked up the stairs.  
  
"Oh, now you want to talk?" Fiona said, angrily, "Well, it's a little late for that right now!" She turned to Farquod.  
  
"But…" Shrek started.  
  
"Come, my dear, we are but a kiss away from our happily ever after! Kiss me!" Lord Farquod puckered his lips and yanked Fiona down.  
  
"But he doesn't really love you!" Shrek protested, "He's just marrying you so he can be king!"  
  
The guy with the cue cards, held up that said, "Gasp!"  
  
The audience gasped. My friends and I looked around at them angrily.  
  
"Oh, and what would you know about love, ogre?" Lord Farquod narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Oh—well…um," Shrek stuttered, looking down.  
  
"Oh, this is precious!" Lord Farquod threw up his arms, "The ogre has fallen in love with the princess!"  
  
The crowd looked at the cue cards and laughed. Shrek winced. I wanted to cry for him.  
  
"Shrek, is this true?" Fiona asked softly.  
  
"Fiona, I—  
  
"I wanted to show before," Fiona interrupted. She removed her hand from Lord Farquod's and stepped back into the light of the red sun, setting into the hills. We watched the sun dip below the horizon and all of a sudden, a light began to glimmer around Fiona. (swirling fog, flashing lights) A cloud of smoke immersed the princess and when it went away, she was the green Princess Fiona. Everyone gasped.  
  
"Well," Shrek swung his arms, "that explains a lot!"  
  
"Aw, it's disgusting!" Lord Farquod looked at Fiona, "Guards, seize these two!"  
  
The guards rushed in from every side. We ran in with them and tried to yank them off Shrek and Fiona. I was pushed down and I fell hard on my hands on the stone floor. Sara and Mell followed. Mike was thrown away, tripping on the stone steps.  
  
Suddenly, Sara whistled and a second later, the glass in the front window broke and our dragon appeared with Donkey on her back.  
  
"I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it!" Donkey yelled, "I'm a donkey on the edge!" I laughed.  
  
The dragon bent her head down and swallowed Farquod whole in one gulp. Everyone in the pews, cheered.  
  
"Celebrity marriages, they never last, do they?" Donkey patted the dragon on the head.  
  
The crowd quieted down and Donkey smiled down at Shrek.  
  
"Go ahead, Shrek."  
  
Shrek walked up the steps towards Fiona slowly.  
  
"Fiona?"  
  
"Yes, Shrek?" she gazed at him. All of us were holding our breath.  
  
"I…I love you." Shrek murmured.  
  
"I love you too." Fiona smiled.  
  
The two leaned forward and their lips touched lightly.  
  
The cue card guy wrote on the back of a card and everyone looked over.  
  
"Awww!" the population sighed. Mell covered her ears. Sara and I hugged.  
  
There was more swirling of lights and Fiona was lifted into the air. Voices were echoing throughout the hall and the glass broke on all the windows. Some kind of magical wind blew us all backwards. Fiona could barely be seen in the sparkly fog that glimmered on the altar. (LOTS of dramatic music) The princess was slowly lowered to the ground.  
  
"Take love's true form," I murmured, straining my neck to see. Fiona was lying on her side. Shrek walked over and bent down.  
  
"Fiona? Are you all right?"  
  
Fiona stood up. She looked over herself. She was still green. She looked highly disappointed.  
  
"Yes, but I—I don't understand…I'm supposed to be beautiful."  
  
Shrek shook his head, sighing.  
  
"But you are beautiful."  
  
At that moment, I burst into tears.  
  
"Oh, I was hoping this would be a happy ending!" Donkey smiled as Shrek and Fiona kissed again.  
  
Mell whooped.  
  
"We did it again! We rock!" 


	9. Chapter Nine ~ THE END

Chapter Nine ~ THE END  
  
"I do."  
  
"You may now kiss the bride."  
  
We all screamed and cheered as Shrek and Fiona climbed into the onion carriage and were sent off down the dirt road.  
  
On the back of the carriage hung a sign that said, "Ugly ever after."  
  
It was the end of our latest fantasy. Or, maybe not.  
  
  
  
"Ok, before you start, Shrek, we would like to add some of our favorites to the list of kareoke songs."  
  
"Ok, fine, go ahead."  
  
"Who wants to pick first?" I asked, sliding down at a keyboard.  
  
"Oh, me! Me!" Mike ran up, "I even brought the CD."  
  
"Really?" I asked, disappointed.  
  
"Don't sweat it. It's Earth, Wind, and Fire."  
  
"Oh, yes! Which one?"  
  
"It's the perfect one! 'Fantasy'!"  
  
"Ok, hit it!"  
  
Mike went to put in the CD. Sara and Mell looked at me impatiently, mouthing, "Earth, Wind and Fire?"  
  
"He's a big fan. You should see him do his Earth, Wind and Fire dance." I laughed.  
  
"Here it goes:  
  
"Every man has a place, in his heart there's a space,  
  
and the world can't erase his fantasies  
  
Take a ride in the sky, on our ship fantasii  
  
all your dreams will come true, right away."  
  
I bopped my head to the music. Sara and Mell danced, not really singing. Mike was singing and dancing, shaking his head around and swaying back and forth to the beat. He grabbed my hands and turned my around under his arm. I started laughing and couldn't stop.  
  
"Ok, next song!" Sara interrupted as soon as the music faded.  
  
"WEEZER!" Mell yelled.  
  
"Which one?" Sara asked, hoping it wasn't 'Hashpipe.'  
  
"Um, let's have 'Undone'," Mell thought aloud. She slipped in her CD from her discman into the kareoke machine and picked up the microphone.  
  
"Don't swing it too hard and bump your head again!" Sara called from behind her.  
  
"Ok, everybody sing, here comes the refrain:  
  
'If you want to destroy my sweater, hold this thread as I walk away,  
  
watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked, lying on the floor, lying on the floor  
  
I've come undone'."  
  
"Next song and it's my turn!" Sara put in another CD. Shrek and Fiona watched us with interest. The song came on. Mell groaned.  
  
"Ready? 'It's this illegal kind of lovin' that keeps my motor runnin' from the start to the finish line'!"  
  
"Stop, stop!" Mell pressed the 'stop' button.  
  
"Ok, ok, here's my choice," Sara switched CD's.  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Please don't be 'Uptown Girl'," Mike pleaded.  
  
"There's a lot of tension in this town  
  
I know it's building up inside of me  
  
I've got all the symptoms and the side effects  
  
of city life anxiety  
  
I could never understand why the urban attitude  
  
is so superior  
  
in a world of high rise ambition  
  
most people's motives are ulterior  
  
Sometimes I feel as thought I'm running on ice  
  
paying the price too long  
  
kind of get the feeling that I'm running on ice  
  
where did my life go wrong  
  
You got to run  
  
You got to run  
  
Running on ice!"  
  
"Yeah, all right!" Sara whooped.  
  
"Ann, your turn," Mike panted, from actually deciding to dance to 'Running on Ice.'  
  
Putting on a "radio" voice, I took up the microphone and said:  
  
"I think I'll tone things down a bit, with one of my all-time favorites and my theme song."  
  
I pushed the play button and sat down at the keyboard.  
  
"It's nine o'clock on a Saturday."  
  
Sara and Mell joined in.  
  
"Sing us a song, you're the piano ANN," they sang, grinning.  
  
"Ok, now you can go, Shrek," I said as I rolled the last chord.  
  
"I'll take this mood and this singer too," he leaned to press the button and sang to Fiona.  
  
"Don't go changing  
  
to try and please me,  
  
You never let me down before. Hmmmmm.  
  
Then the music changed and whole bunch of people showed up dancing. Mell banged on the drums. I recognized the "DJ" as Pinocchio.  
  
"I made it through the wilderness  
  
I made it through  
  
Didn't know how lost I was  
  
Until I found you."  
  
Fiona finished. We all cheered and turned to Donkey.  
  
"I like big butts and I cannot lie.  
  
He bobbed his head, and flung on some sunglasses. The dragon was swaying in the background. Then, an executioner came up.  
  
"Feelings."  
  
Then the familiar drumbeat started and Robin Hood showed up with his merry men.  
  
"It's fun to stay at the YMCA  
  
YMCA!"  
  
We all did the hand motions. Sara was doing cartwheels and I couldn't stop laughing. The gingerbread man got up to the mike and sang:  
  
"Do you really want to hurt me, (OW!)  
  
Do you really want to make cry."  
  
The music changed again. The dragon took the microphone and held it to her stomach.  
  
"Stayin' alive, stayin' alive! Ah, ah, ah, ah" (said the three little pigs)  
  
Lord Farquod could be heard from the dragon's stomach. Then the big bad wolf made a debut.  
  
"Who let the dogs out? (Who? Who? Who?) (sang the three little pigs)  
  
Who let the dogs out?"  
  
I ran to the organ and banged some chords. Sara was somewhere in the crowd. Mell was on the drums and Mike was doing the Macarena with the girls.  
  
"Now it's time to dance to the music!" Donkey yelled. Everybody changed gears and danced to a different beat.  
  
"DANCE TO THE MUSIC!"  
  
All we need is a drummer! sang Pinocchio.  
  
For people who only need a beat! Yeah!  
  
I need to play my organ! (that was my line!)  
  
I said RIDE, SONNY RIDE!  
  
I can't see me lovin nobody but you  
  
for all my life  
  
DANCE TO THE MUSIC!  
  
DANCE TO THE MUSIC!  
  
I slammed on the keys and everybody joined into lines and dancing the same. Then we changed key. I whooped and sang louder.  
  
"You ain't dancin' Shrek," Donkey yelled.  
  
DANCE TO THE MUSIC!  
  
We banged the last the chord and Mell crashed a cymbal.  
  
"One more song!" a girl shouted from the crowd. Mell and I knew who it was.  
  
"I thought love was only true in fairy tales,  
  
(UH UH UH OY!) (sang Sara and the dwarves)  
  
Meant for someone else but not for me.  
  
Oh, love was out to get me (duh duh duh dun de dun)  
  
That's the way it seemed.  
  
Disappointment haunted on my dreams.  
  
Then I saw her face (duh duh duh duh)  
  
Now I'm a believer! (HEY!)  
  
Without a trace (duh duh duh duh)  
  
No doubt in my mind  
  
I'm in love (OOOOOOOOH)  
  
I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried!  
  
Donkey took the lead and Mell and I sang next to him.  
  
"Now, sing it with me!"  
  
I believe!  
  
I believe!  
  
We chanted.  
  
"People in the back!" Donkey screamed.  
  
I believe!  
  
I believe!  
  
All of a sudden, the music and the field full of dancers faded away.  
  
"Without a trace, no doubt in my mind!"  
  
"Ann, Ann, we're back! Open your eyes!" someone whispered.  
  
"I'm in love! I'm a believer!" I murmured, hearing the echoes of drums in my head.  
  
"ANN!" Sara yelled.  
  
I jumped and shook my head.  
  
"I don't know how we got back, but we're back," Mell said, flopping on a library chair. I looked around with disappointment. There were no drums, only books. There were no dancing cartoon figures, but people studying and typing on the library computers. I sighed.  
  
"We were at the best part too," I whined. Mike sat in a chair, gasping.  
  
"I don't think I've ever dancing that much in my life," he said, "I don't know if I'll be able to ever dance like that again."  
  
"Oh, please. As long as it's not your Earth, Wind and Fire dancing, then you're fine," Sara assured him.  
  
"No time has passed since we left," I noticed, looking at the clock.  
  
"Well, it was a great start to my morning!" Mell said, slipping her headphones on.  
  
THE END (and where next?) 


	10. Chapter Ten (Post Kareoke Party)

Chapter Ten (Post Kareoke Party)  
  
As I sat down in my seat in English class with Sara, I fingered my charm necklace with a sigh.  
  
Then I gasped and tapped Sara on the shoulder. For there, hanging next to the other charms was a tiny silver dragon.  
  
"Wow!" I breathed and held in between my fingers. On the back side of it, it said,  
  
"To my rescuers…Fiona."  
  
And as I settled down to work, I kept a hand on my necklace and couldn't wait till we were blasted off again to another world.  
  
THE END (until next time…) 


End file.
